So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
