dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize