he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
