My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We got so high we made milksteak
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
