I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
