I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
