you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
