Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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