once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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