This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
