I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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