I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
