its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
