We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
