yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
