He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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