I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
