How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
