your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
