I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
