I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
