I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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