I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
