2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
