I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
