I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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