I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
