Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
