just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
