Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
