Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
