I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
