it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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