So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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