Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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