this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize