we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
