A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
