just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
