so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
