I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
