He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize