why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
