she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
