girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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