epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
