I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
