I'm pants shitting drunk right now
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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