I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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