no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
