Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
