my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.