i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.