Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism

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(512): View more from Texas

At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."

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(912): View more from Georgia

then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again

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(803): View more from South Carolina

so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(217): View more from Illinois

Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.

(1-202): View more from Washington, DC

Thanks, mom.

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(713): View more from Texas

On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.

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(334): View more from Alabama

Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.

(660): View more from Missouri

Touché sir

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