Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
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"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
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He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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