I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.