Texts From Last Night

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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom

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  (608): She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom http://tfl.nu/qu7d
  Replies (17) Good night (1121) Bad night (3787)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon

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  (304): You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon http://tfl.nu/eqby
  Replies (5) Good night (5011) Bad night (1451)
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  (818): View more from California

  I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.

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  (818): I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking. http://tfl.nu/j1uf
  Replies (16) Good night (1420) Bad night (5374)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.

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  (215): I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days. http://tfl.nu/h5el
  Replies (25) Good night (4437) Bad night (1345)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  What's he like?

  (954): View more from Florida

  The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.

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  (407): What's he like? (954): The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess. http://tfl.nu/zcji
  Replies (29) Good night (7632) Bad night (1245)
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  (409): View more from Texas

  He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'

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  (409): He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this' http://tfl.nu/libu
  Replies (15) Good night (5591) Bad night (1342)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"

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  (540): you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out" http://tfl.nu/77z0
  Replies (17) Good night (5108) Bad night (2001)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.

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  (613): I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking. http://tfl.nu/hw5l
  Replies (9) Good night (3534) Bad night (1094)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities

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  (603): I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities http://tfl.nu/wabu
  Replies (6) Good night (3337) Bad night (911)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over

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  (443): We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over http://tfl.nu/j0uq
  Replies (5) Good night (1915) Bad night (769)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.

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  (513): He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit. http://tfl.nu/4hrv
  Replies (23) Good night (4500) Bad night (1106)
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.

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  (606): I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships. http://tfl.nu/4vx4
  Replies (10) Good night (1300) Bad night (1364)
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  (714): View more from California

  Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.

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  (714): Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume. http://tfl.nu/yo6q
  Replies (16) Good night (763) Bad night (2996)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?

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  (309): Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs? http://tfl.nu/hddn
  Replies (3) Good night (988) Bad night (422)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?

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  (701): I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow? http://tfl.nu/w4ss
  Replies (2) Good night (366) Bad night (304)

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