My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
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like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
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I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives