just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it