Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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