Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
