Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
How's work?
Spinning.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
