apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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