just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
