I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize