highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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