do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
