Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize