i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
