As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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