THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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